Rob Laird (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tacticalmind) wrote2009-10-30 07:33 pm
tacticalmind) wrote2009-10-30 07:33 pm
RP LOG | With ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
doesntwaltz
[Dated Saturday 24th October | Follows THIS and THIS]
The small plasma TV mounted beside the hospital bed was on, but the sound was turned low as Mythbusters played on the screen. No one was watching it. Occupying the bed accompanying the TV, Rob was drifting in and out of a light sleep. He was never much of a heavy sleeper, and a hospital was just disruptive by default. He didn't mind, though. He knew he was there because he needed to be, and it was almost a heavenly option compared to the ordeal he had just left. Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany was a U.S. Military hospital, and many soldiers from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan had been flown here over the time to receive high quality medical care if they were seriously injured in combat. Rob was just another statistic, really, but he had received nothing but top notch medical attention since he woke up here. Which was a little unnerving at first, to discover he was in Germany of all places. He had vague recollections of an explosion, and hazy snippets of memories where he was in agony, in that crushing heat, unable to move or call out for help...
... of Pete's cold fingers in his hand.
Rob woke again with a start, that nauseating feeling of horror threatening in his gut again. When he slept, the images swirled around in his subconscious like a stormy sea, but awake, he had been classified as amnesiac. He couldn't remember enough of what happened to piece together anything specific of what happened. He didn't want to remember, either. He let his head sink to the side against the pillow as he closed his eyes again, trying to ignore the goosebumps crawling over his skin now. There was a large gash to his head just in his hairline that was dressed and bandaged. He had a hell of a concussion to match the amnesia, but after spending six days lying out in the desert injured, the concussion was probably the least of his worries. He also had a broken ankle, but the cast was neat, just up to his calf muscle and he would be able to walk on it in a couple of weeks if he played his cards right. Next came two fractured ribs; the reason he had hardly been able to breath or talk when he had been lying out there. Now they just had to wait to make sure they hadn't already started to heal, and incorrectly. The biggest complication had been his spleen. By the time they got to him to rescue him, he was lucky to be alive. The explosion caused internal bleeding and too significant damage to his spleen and he had to have emergency surgery to remove it. He couldn't remember any of it. The last thing he remembered was realising it was Pete beside him and that heavy resolve that he was about to die.
Maybe it was a miracle he lived. He shouldn't have survived. None of them should have. And Rob was the only one that lived. They probably wanted answers, but all Rob wanted was his wife and asking for Leila were the only words he would utter beyond yes and no responses to queries about his health since he woke up in the hospital. His health and life wouldn't be worth shit if he didn't know that she was okay.
It hadn't been a hard decision for Leila to decide to fly to Germany the moment she had news that Rob was okay, and he was in a hospital for soldiers there. She hadn't exactly taken in his injuries, too stunned that he was actually alive and no longer MIA. For a couple days she'd been trying to reconcile herself with the idea that she might end up finding out he was dead. She and Mike had finally started talking about it all again, and she couldn't help it when sometimes she kept asking the same questions, trying to get his answers to stick in her brain however much they might have been things she didn't want to hear.
She hadn't even waited to see if Mike was okay, but she did remember the medic telling her just to go. She also remembered leaving messages for Andy and Luke, but she wasn't sure what she said. For all she knew she'd just left a series of words that didn't make much sense.
Not speaking German hadn't been much of an issue either since the hospital belonged to the US. It was times like these she was actually grateful the military seemed to be spread far and wide. She was directed to Rob's room after the nurses at the desk were satisfied she was really Rob's wife, and now she found her heart skipping a beat as she finally laid eyes on her husband.
Time suddenly didn't mean anything, just the fact that he was right there in front of her. Leila dropped her bag by the door and crossed the room, taking his hand gently as she leaned in to kiss his lips. Even if he was asleep, she still reserved the right to kiss him before anything else. Tears dripped from her eyes and onto his face, and she let her forehead rest against his. He smelled like combat, and antiseptic. But somewhere, underneath it all, she could smell Rob himself. "Shit, I love you..." she murmured, the words tumbling from her mouth as she tried not to start sobbing with relief.
Rob wasn't sure if he was dreaming at first. Thoughts of Leila and their happy memories together was what had kept him going when things seemed to go from bad to worse. He hadn't asked for her to come here, he had just continuously asked when he could go to her. When he could go home, as far away from the crap as he could possibly get. She couldn't really be here, could she? He was scared to open his eyes in case she disappeared, but he could feel her, smell her, hear her voice. His hand closed around her fingers with a strange burst of strength to grip her tightly despite his weakness from the injuries, and he opened his eyes. But she didn't disappear. She really was still there.
"Oh god," was all he managed to get out before his own tears filled his eyes and spilt over. A sob caught in his throat when the crying hurt from the broken ribs, but after sucking in a rough breath to brace himself through it, and his other hand cupping the side of his chest to nurse the injury, he just gave into it all. He didn't want to let go of her. Even if she wasn't real, this was better than anything and made up for all those weeks he had spent in turmoil over being away from her. "Please tell me you're really here," he finally whispered.
Leila had moved to watch him grip his side before she was right in close again, her lips brushing against his cheek. "I'm really here, Littlerock. How could I not be? I'm not waiting to see if the Army decides you're dying enough this time to be shipped back home. For all I knew they were bringing you to Germany just to let you heal, then send you right back." She wiped at his tears with her free hand, her thumb brushing against his skin. "You really scared the shit out of me, you know that? I want to tell you never to do that to me again, but I know you can't make that promise."
Rob's breathing was a little shallow, and his hand kept brushing over her fingers and her arm to make sure she was still there. He hardly even realised just how much he was crying, just so long as he could still see her somewhat clearly. Everything was just catching up with him, but he knew it was okay to be not completely okay around her. That was a hard lesson for him to learn. He was usually so independent and traditionally masculine. He just didn't have the energy to maintain that right now. "They don't know if I- they can't-" He swallowed, taking some small, slower breaths and tasting the tears on his lips. "Are you okay? Did they tell you? They were supposed to tell you! That's why we needed to be married." He put her hand up closer to his face to see her wedding ring and then held her fingers to his lips. "You're really here... you are."
Leila nodded slowly as she pressed her lips together. She wasn't sure she could handle both of them crying. She'd been holiding it in the past couple of days, not even losing it with Luke when he came around to cousin sit her again. "Yeah, they told me. I got the call on my birthday," she told him quietly, still wondering what the hell she'd done to deserve that particular birthday present. And what Rob had done to deserve being blown up. "And then they told me when you were okay, and here... Mike's been staying with me. He came to visit. I offered him a room. He declined until he knew you were MIA. He managed to find out a few things for me. He's going to be pretty glad you're okay." She kissed his lips again softly. "So are you... I'll find some way to get you home. Not sure how, but I will. You need to be home."
It took Rob's injured brain a few moments for him to realise which Mike she was talking about. It wasn't that he forgot his old friend, but Mike hadn't mentioned anything about visiting Leila. He realised now, though, that it was probably why Mike had spent time questioning Rob about Leila. He managed a small laugh now the tears were easing off, but he was still holding his side, not wanting to increase the pain anymore. He still remembered how bad it had been out there. He didn't know how long he had been out there for. Someone said close to a week, but he wasn't ready to process what that meant yet. "The devious bastard," he said with affection behind his words. His eyes were still on her face, trying to map out every inch of her features and log them into his memory all over again. "I'm sorry. I never wanted... I didn't... I..." he stammered, struggling to find enough words. But there just wasn't enough, no matter how much he wanted to keep apologising that she had to go through all that. It's exactly what he hadn't wanted. His face creased with pain again, though not physical this time, as he dropped his head a little and more tears came. "My friends, they didn't make it. We were out there, and it just... I don't know how long, but his hand was cold."
"His... Pete?" Leila asked, her mind going towards the only other link she'd had to Rob besides Mike. Her eyes stayed sad as she watched Rob, and gently stroked her fingers against his hair. It was hard to know where she could touch him. She wanted to curl against him in the hospital bed, but one side was sore, and the other was were the drip was being fed into him. She kissed his cheek before rubbing her nose against it softly. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I wish I could somehow make it better."
"Just don't go. Stay. Please... stay," Rob begged her softly. "I'm scared to be alone," he admitted. When he looked up and met her eyes again, there was a shame hedging his features, like it was ridiculous for him to be scared of something like that. But after his awareness of just how injured and alone he had been out there, and that when he tried to call for help, no one could hear him or know to come to him, fear was the only way he could describe that churning feeling in his gut when his mind took him back there. It felt like his confidence had just been stripped from him, and right now, if she asked him to promise to never put her through this again, he would submit to it without question. "Tell me something. Anything. Happy, nice... warm. Have you been eating? How's Luke and Andrew?"
Leila reached out with her foot to hook the visitor's chair and bring it closer without looking away from Rob. She dropped into it, still holding his hand. "I'm not going anywhere. Not now. Not ever. You'll have to take me with you if you ever get shipped out again. The Army's just going to have to fucking deal." Leila pressed a kiss to his fingers, falling silent as she searched her brain for something happy. She wasn't going to answer his question about eating. She wasn't sure one dry cracker at breakfast, lunch, and dinner really counted as eating. Neither did the half slice of pizza she'd had the other day. Mike wasn't eating any better. "Andy's getting married next weekend... I can't believe it's coming up already. Ali is still insistent he have the Bachelor Party, so of course Luke's ready to plot evil plots at our cousin's expense. Ali's even got plans to have him kidnapped from work so he doesn't get a chance to argue. God only knows what Andy's going to do with a stripper's arse waved in his face," Leila said with a slight smile.
Rob laughed again with a small nod. "I can see that, oddly enough. That's... come quick. Real quick." Guilt crept to the forefront when he realised that he could have ruined Leila's chance to enjoy her cousin's wedding, after ruining her birthday. She was talking, and catering to his questions, but he could hear in her voice that she wasn't okay. Maybe dancing around the issue was stupid. They were married, and probably needed each other more than anything else right now. "They said I was out there for nearly a week. I-I don't remember much about it. Just pieces. Bad pieces. It gets worse when I sleep," he told her quietly, hoping she would respond with how she was feeling rather than just trying to reassure him she was okay. She wasn't. He knew she wasn't, and he didn't want her to try and draw strength she didn't have trying to make him feel better.
Leila's breath came out in a rush, her shoulder's sagging as the little bit of adrenaline she had been running off suddenly vanished in the face of his admittance. "I haven't slept in days. A couple hours here, and there, but it's not enough. Luke had to grant me leave because I just couldn't function at work. I couldn't stop thinking about you just lying somewhere and not getting help. Or captured... and tortured." That part she'd never spoken out loud. Not even to Mike. "I haven't eaten properly. I can't eat. If I eat I just feel ill. Why should I get to eat when you were missing? Blown up by some horrible fucking bomb that people have created to damage each other?" The tears were back, sliding down her cheeks thick and fast as she finally let go of the weight she'd been carrying. "I wanted to be able to deal with this, but you were missing! How does anyone deal with that? I want to be strong for you, but I'm exhausted. And I'm sorry."
Rob tried not to let the tears overtake again, but he couldn't stop them dripping down his cheeks. It was just a release, and the psychologist that had been by told him a few times that he needed to find a way to debrief and begin to process what had happened, because the grief would come and so many times in soldiers, it could eat them alive to the point of no return. At first, he struggled to stiffly reach to the table beside the hospital bed. He picked up a small sealed pack of some sort of fruit with a plastic spoon sitting on top of it. He put it in her hands and then touched her hair, stroking it softly and and rhythmically with the tips of his fingers to try and soothe her, even if his movement was restricted. "It was the former. I wasn't captured, I just fell in a dangerous zone no one would infiltrate in case there were more devices. We were presumed dead. That's not uncommon. They didn't need anymore soldiers blown up. I was just... out there. I couldn't move, I was too hurt. I could hardly speak. I don't even know if what's in my head are memories or nightmares. Pete was there the whole time beside me, dead. When I realised it was him, I tried to reach him, but I couldn't. Just his hand. I couldn't stop thinking about you," he said through a small gasp as the emotion seized him again. "You got me through."
Leila managed a choked laugh as she looked down at the pack of fruit in her hands, then looked up at his face. Even when he was the one lying in the hospital bed he was taking care of her. She couldn't exactly argue with him. She started to pull back the lid on the container, sniffing as she tried to stop the tears. Her tongue darted out to lick at her lips, catching stray tears. "I'm pretty awesome if I can get you through and not even be there," she said, laughing again. She scooped up some fruit and put it into her mouth. She couldn't even really taste it, but she knew she had to eat. "I kept trying to work out how they were even going to find you, and why it was taking so fucking long. If they knew where you were, and that there'd been an explosion, why didn't they find you? I just... it wasn't making sense. I felt so fucking useless just sitting at home worrying. I don't think Mike was taking it well, either. He'd only just seen you all fixed up."
Rob watched her eating the fruit, hoping it didn't taste too crap. He knew what hospital food could be like. "I gave up," he admitted to her in barely more than a whisper. "I didn't want to. I tried not to, but I did. I couldn't hold on anymore. I thought I was dying. But then... then I woke up here. I didn't even know where I was, but I think the first thing I did was tell a nurse I was checking out and going home," he said with a small, sheepish laugh. "Shows how much they listen to me, huh? I didn't get far enough to plan how I was actually going to pull it off. I ain't exactly in much of a shape to take matters into my own hand. I'm sure there are some bits of me that ain't broken, somewhere. I did check I still had my face." He touched her cheek, his fingers staying there almost like he was remembering what it was that made him fall in love with her all over again. "I'm glad he went to you. I kinda want to smack him right now, but I'm glad. He's a good guy. I owe him my life."
Leila's eyes locked on his face, her expression frozen as she tried to work out how to take the news that he had given up. Could she really blame him? If he had had no sign that he was being rescued, if he was in that much pain... She shuddered to think of what it must have been like. And now he would be forced to relive it as he tried to heal, maybe even for the rest of him life. She kept the fruit cup balanced on her knees as she reached out to touch his chest, careful not to pressure it too much. She didn't want to listen to the machines beeping to tell her his heart was beating. She concentrated on the faint beat she could feel through his bandages and the hospital gown. "I'm glad someone got you back to me. I don't know what I would have done..." she trailed off, her gut clenching at the scenario she'd been too scared to face, and was now glad she didn't have to. "Why are you going to smack him?"
Rob's blue eyes were filled with saddness as he listened to her talk and his forehead creased, trying to understand the pain she must have been feeling. If he kept apologising, she would probably smack him. He remembered how hard it had been at the brig to say goodbye to her and he didn't want to ever be away from her again. But this was his job, right? He had to do it. "I love you," he told her, his voice quiet again but only needing her to hear enough to get the message across. He didn't want to spend the whole time crying all over her, even if felt really difficult to prevent the tears. "Because he didn't let on at all that he was going to see you. I was feeling too sick to even think to ask why he had borrowed a camera off someone. I only just finished telling him about you, explaining. He thought you were knocked up and I was trying to be chivalrous. Mike's a pretty traditional guy."
Leila turned her head to kiss his hand as she gave him a smile, this one a little stronger than any of her earlier attempts. "I love you, too," she replied, also managing to keep the expletive out this time. She still didn't regret marrying him despite the pain she'd just had to endure. She would rather this, than having a life without him. "He did mention something along those lines when we met. He still has it stuck in his head, I think. Sometimes I swear he's going to tell me to start eating because I've got to think about the baby. I got a couple of the pictures blown up. Couldn't help myself. I needed to decorate the place a bit. Plus I just like looking at your face. I was just glad he did find me. It was unbelievable having an actual physical link to you... Someone that knew you. Someone that just got it."
Rob let out a slow breath, making his sure his hand still had contact with her at all times. Despite being mostly unconscious in the preceding days, a heavy exhaustion was weighing on him that he couldn't shake. When he was just sleeping, it was disturbed by nightmares. Maybe now that he knew Leila was okay, it might be a little better. But all he could think about was curling up in their own bed together... and making it their own, because they hadn't had enough of a chance for that before. When he left, they were even still living in separate places. It was all so fucked up. He wanted to go home with her and just try to heal the best he could. "I feel like shit. I think I had surgery." He indicated to the side of his torso that was hurting. He didn't think it was the broken ribs they operated on, even if that was the area he was most in pain. That part of his body must have been the area that took most of the impact. "But I haven't made much of an attempt to ask them about it. They'll probably try to tell you because they think I'm unresponsive. I just ain't feeling much like pouring my heart out to strangers."
He had to smirk faintly. "Everyone seems to think I have turbo-charged sperm or that I suck at practicing birth control. Maybe one day," he said with a small smile. "He asks you that and you have my permission to smack him in the forehead. I'm kinda glad you both had each other, to be honest. You wouldn't be knowing much at all, and Mike... well... he's seen the aftermath of the sort of explosions I got caught in. He maybe knows too much. I ain't even sure how it happened, but I think one of my younger Privates was just... I-I don't know. Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me. And I had to have looked like hell in those photos. I was threatening to stick the camera up his ass," he said in amusement.
"Can't really blame you. I don't think I'd feel like talking to anyone if I'd been blown up." Leila pulled back the covers a little to lean forward and press a kiss to Rob's side through his hospital gown. She smiled, tilted her head to the side as she looked at him. "Want to tell me where else it hurts? I'll kiss it better. And I'll talk to the doctors anyway. I mean, if we're going to try and get you home, I'll need to know if I have to change dressings and all that stuff."
Leila laughed. "Maybe you do, and I should be worried that a condom isn't going to contain them? Definitely one day, but we need to get used to being us first. Mike's been a saving grace, and I owe him a lot. I just wish he wasn't so determined to stay alone. He could make a girl very happy, even if she'd be having to go through the absences as well. As scary as all this is... I'd rather have this and you, than no you at all." Leila pressed her lips together. "Just try and relax for a little while. It might come easier if you don't force it. I know it's going to be hard, but I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here. Even when you want to sleep. Actually, you weren't too bad. I mean, you looked sick, but at least it was still a picture of you."
Rob watched her fondly and then wet his dry lips slowly. "You could be there for awhile, darlin'," he joked. "I think about the only thing that ain't hurting is my hair or the tip of my left pinkie finger, if it's a good hour." He didn't even know how crap he looked, but he figured there were cuts and bruises. He had them all over his arms, plus some burns on the upper side of his body and top of his arm. They were dressed well, though, and apparenly wouldn't scar. "You know I don't even really care if I have to go to another hospital there. I just want to be back in the States. I need to be."
"Well, you ain't in the family way, right? They must have been having an off couple of weeks because they sure got a bigger work out than they had in months..." His face fell serious again and he couldn't stifle a small sigh falling from his cracked lips. "I miss making love to you. I was almost thinking I was beginning to forget what it felt like."
Leila smirked, and started to kiss along his body, even his toes. She hadn't really given much thought to how banged up his was. As far as she was concerned he was still Rob. It was more the idea of him being blown up that caused her pain than seeing him like this. If he was in a hospital she knew he'd be okay. "I got time. I'll talk to the doctors once I'm done kissing all your sore bits better."
"Yeah? Hate to see what you're like when they're at full strength then," she said as she almost giggled. Her smile faltered at his serious expression, and she moved back up his body to brush her hand over his hair. "We'll make up for lost time. You just need to be a little more healed so I don't break your ribs all over again."
Rob let his eyes fall closed as he tried to concentrate on her touches over his body. He couldn't feel all of them. Some parts were swathed in bandages or dressings and others were just too injured to give him any sensation but pain. But the parts that he could, it felt amazing and it felt like forever since she had done this to him. "When I was out there, losing hope I was gonna be saved, I was starting to think you had been a dream. That it was just something my mind invented through everything else being shit. I didn't think I'd ever see you again," he admitted, his voice turning hoarse again with emotion. "I didn't even have my wedding ring to remind me it was real."
Leila stopped, and took his hand as she kissed his ring finger where the wedding band would have sat. "It wasn't a dream, Littlerock. If it was, we were both having it. Sometimes I wondered if I'd imagined you, but given Mike was your friend, I knew I hadn't. I just want you home... I can't help it. And I don't want you to ever have to feel like that again, and I think I really am selfish enough to ask you to never do that to me again."
Rob went to put his hand up to rub his head, but pain shot through his torso and he hissed, lowering his hand again back to where it was. It seemed his mind didn't even want to admit he had been injured. "Mike, he... he was dating someone. Before he got shipped out. He left her, broke up with her, for that very reason. He didn't want to do any of this to someone if, God forbid, it was him in a situation like I was. He ain't a combat fighter but he's right in the thick of it. He didn't want anyone to be waiting for him." He closed his eyes again for a few more moments before looking at her again. "Times like this, I think maybe he had the right idea. You always know it's a chance, but until you're actually the one there getting blown up, or lying there injured knowing your wife is at home waiting for you to return... how is any of this worth it?"
"I don't know," Leila admitted. "But I'm not the one over there. I'm the one waiting at home. I get the safer option. I'm not saying you shouldn't do this, and maybe this is just going to be the worse thing to ever happen, and the rest of our time will be trauma free." She shrugged a little before pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I understand why Mike would do that, and want to keep someone from feeling this, but... I don't think there's anything like the feeling that comes from seeing each other again. It's a natural high."
"Meaning, it would be the total opposite if we never came home," Rob had to reason quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to get my head around all this but it keeps dragging me right back down again, back to everything out there. I guess it's just this place, not being home. I'm glad you're here, darlin'. It'll stop me going insane."
"We'll get you home," Leila promised as she rest her forehead against his again, her thumb stroking softly against his cheek. "Only one of us is allowed to be crazy."
Word Count | 5,299
The small plasma TV mounted beside the hospital bed was on, but the sound was turned low as Mythbusters played on the screen. No one was watching it. Occupying the bed accompanying the TV, Rob was drifting in and out of a light sleep. He was never much of a heavy sleeper, and a hospital was just disruptive by default. He didn't mind, though. He knew he was there because he needed to be, and it was almost a heavenly option compared to the ordeal he had just left. Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany was a U.S. Military hospital, and many soldiers from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan had been flown here over the time to receive high quality medical care if they were seriously injured in combat. Rob was just another statistic, really, but he had received nothing but top notch medical attention since he woke up here. Which was a little unnerving at first, to discover he was in Germany of all places. He had vague recollections of an explosion, and hazy snippets of memories where he was in agony, in that crushing heat, unable to move or call out for help...
... of Pete's cold fingers in his hand.
Rob woke again with a start, that nauseating feeling of horror threatening in his gut again. When he slept, the images swirled around in his subconscious like a stormy sea, but awake, he had been classified as amnesiac. He couldn't remember enough of what happened to piece together anything specific of what happened. He didn't want to remember, either. He let his head sink to the side against the pillow as he closed his eyes again, trying to ignore the goosebumps crawling over his skin now. There was a large gash to his head just in his hairline that was dressed and bandaged. He had a hell of a concussion to match the amnesia, but after spending six days lying out in the desert injured, the concussion was probably the least of his worries. He also had a broken ankle, but the cast was neat, just up to his calf muscle and he would be able to walk on it in a couple of weeks if he played his cards right. Next came two fractured ribs; the reason he had hardly been able to breath or talk when he had been lying out there. Now they just had to wait to make sure they hadn't already started to heal, and incorrectly. The biggest complication had been his spleen. By the time they got to him to rescue him, he was lucky to be alive. The explosion caused internal bleeding and too significant damage to his spleen and he had to have emergency surgery to remove it. He couldn't remember any of it. The last thing he remembered was realising it was Pete beside him and that heavy resolve that he was about to die.
Maybe it was a miracle he lived. He shouldn't have survived. None of them should have. And Rob was the only one that lived. They probably wanted answers, but all Rob wanted was his wife and asking for Leila were the only words he would utter beyond yes and no responses to queries about his health since he woke up in the hospital. His health and life wouldn't be worth shit if he didn't know that she was okay.
It hadn't been a hard decision for Leila to decide to fly to Germany the moment she had news that Rob was okay, and he was in a hospital for soldiers there. She hadn't exactly taken in his injuries, too stunned that he was actually alive and no longer MIA. For a couple days she'd been trying to reconcile herself with the idea that she might end up finding out he was dead. She and Mike had finally started talking about it all again, and she couldn't help it when sometimes she kept asking the same questions, trying to get his answers to stick in her brain however much they might have been things she didn't want to hear.
She hadn't even waited to see if Mike was okay, but she did remember the medic telling her just to go. She also remembered leaving messages for Andy and Luke, but she wasn't sure what she said. For all she knew she'd just left a series of words that didn't make much sense.
Not speaking German hadn't been much of an issue either since the hospital belonged to the US. It was times like these she was actually grateful the military seemed to be spread far and wide. She was directed to Rob's room after the nurses at the desk were satisfied she was really Rob's wife, and now she found her heart skipping a beat as she finally laid eyes on her husband.
Time suddenly didn't mean anything, just the fact that he was right there in front of her. Leila dropped her bag by the door and crossed the room, taking his hand gently as she leaned in to kiss his lips. Even if he was asleep, she still reserved the right to kiss him before anything else. Tears dripped from her eyes and onto his face, and she let her forehead rest against his. He smelled like combat, and antiseptic. But somewhere, underneath it all, she could smell Rob himself. "Shit, I love you..." she murmured, the words tumbling from her mouth as she tried not to start sobbing with relief.
Rob wasn't sure if he was dreaming at first. Thoughts of Leila and their happy memories together was what had kept him going when things seemed to go from bad to worse. He hadn't asked for her to come here, he had just continuously asked when he could go to her. When he could go home, as far away from the crap as he could possibly get. She couldn't really be here, could she? He was scared to open his eyes in case she disappeared, but he could feel her, smell her, hear her voice. His hand closed around her fingers with a strange burst of strength to grip her tightly despite his weakness from the injuries, and he opened his eyes. But she didn't disappear. She really was still there.
"Oh god," was all he managed to get out before his own tears filled his eyes and spilt over. A sob caught in his throat when the crying hurt from the broken ribs, but after sucking in a rough breath to brace himself through it, and his other hand cupping the side of his chest to nurse the injury, he just gave into it all. He didn't want to let go of her. Even if she wasn't real, this was better than anything and made up for all those weeks he had spent in turmoil over being away from her. "Please tell me you're really here," he finally whispered.
Leila had moved to watch him grip his side before she was right in close again, her lips brushing against his cheek. "I'm really here, Littlerock. How could I not be? I'm not waiting to see if the Army decides you're dying enough this time to be shipped back home. For all I knew they were bringing you to Germany just to let you heal, then send you right back." She wiped at his tears with her free hand, her thumb brushing against his skin. "You really scared the shit out of me, you know that? I want to tell you never to do that to me again, but I know you can't make that promise."
Rob's breathing was a little shallow, and his hand kept brushing over her fingers and her arm to make sure she was still there. He hardly even realised just how much he was crying, just so long as he could still see her somewhat clearly. Everything was just catching up with him, but he knew it was okay to be not completely okay around her. That was a hard lesson for him to learn. He was usually so independent and traditionally masculine. He just didn't have the energy to maintain that right now. "They don't know if I- they can't-" He swallowed, taking some small, slower breaths and tasting the tears on his lips. "Are you okay? Did they tell you? They were supposed to tell you! That's why we needed to be married." He put her hand up closer to his face to see her wedding ring and then held her fingers to his lips. "You're really here... you are."
Leila nodded slowly as she pressed her lips together. She wasn't sure she could handle both of them crying. She'd been holiding it in the past couple of days, not even losing it with Luke when he came around to cousin sit her again. "Yeah, they told me. I got the call on my birthday," she told him quietly, still wondering what the hell she'd done to deserve that particular birthday present. And what Rob had done to deserve being blown up. "And then they told me when you were okay, and here... Mike's been staying with me. He came to visit. I offered him a room. He declined until he knew you were MIA. He managed to find out a few things for me. He's going to be pretty glad you're okay." She kissed his lips again softly. "So are you... I'll find some way to get you home. Not sure how, but I will. You need to be home."
It took Rob's injured brain a few moments for him to realise which Mike she was talking about. It wasn't that he forgot his old friend, but Mike hadn't mentioned anything about visiting Leila. He realised now, though, that it was probably why Mike had spent time questioning Rob about Leila. He managed a small laugh now the tears were easing off, but he was still holding his side, not wanting to increase the pain anymore. He still remembered how bad it had been out there. He didn't know how long he had been out there for. Someone said close to a week, but he wasn't ready to process what that meant yet. "The devious bastard," he said with affection behind his words. His eyes were still on her face, trying to map out every inch of her features and log them into his memory all over again. "I'm sorry. I never wanted... I didn't... I..." he stammered, struggling to find enough words. But there just wasn't enough, no matter how much he wanted to keep apologising that she had to go through all that. It's exactly what he hadn't wanted. His face creased with pain again, though not physical this time, as he dropped his head a little and more tears came. "My friends, they didn't make it. We were out there, and it just... I don't know how long, but his hand was cold."
"His... Pete?" Leila asked, her mind going towards the only other link she'd had to Rob besides Mike. Her eyes stayed sad as she watched Rob, and gently stroked her fingers against his hair. It was hard to know where she could touch him. She wanted to curl against him in the hospital bed, but one side was sore, and the other was were the drip was being fed into him. She kissed his cheek before rubbing her nose against it softly. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I wish I could somehow make it better."
"Just don't go. Stay. Please... stay," Rob begged her softly. "I'm scared to be alone," he admitted. When he looked up and met her eyes again, there was a shame hedging his features, like it was ridiculous for him to be scared of something like that. But after his awareness of just how injured and alone he had been out there, and that when he tried to call for help, no one could hear him or know to come to him, fear was the only way he could describe that churning feeling in his gut when his mind took him back there. It felt like his confidence had just been stripped from him, and right now, if she asked him to promise to never put her through this again, he would submit to it without question. "Tell me something. Anything. Happy, nice... warm. Have you been eating? How's Luke and Andrew?"
Leila reached out with her foot to hook the visitor's chair and bring it closer without looking away from Rob. She dropped into it, still holding his hand. "I'm not going anywhere. Not now. Not ever. You'll have to take me with you if you ever get shipped out again. The Army's just going to have to fucking deal." Leila pressed a kiss to his fingers, falling silent as she searched her brain for something happy. She wasn't going to answer his question about eating. She wasn't sure one dry cracker at breakfast, lunch, and dinner really counted as eating. Neither did the half slice of pizza she'd had the other day. Mike wasn't eating any better. "Andy's getting married next weekend... I can't believe it's coming up already. Ali is still insistent he have the Bachelor Party, so of course Luke's ready to plot evil plots at our cousin's expense. Ali's even got plans to have him kidnapped from work so he doesn't get a chance to argue. God only knows what Andy's going to do with a stripper's arse waved in his face," Leila said with a slight smile.
Rob laughed again with a small nod. "I can see that, oddly enough. That's... come quick. Real quick." Guilt crept to the forefront when he realised that he could have ruined Leila's chance to enjoy her cousin's wedding, after ruining her birthday. She was talking, and catering to his questions, but he could hear in her voice that she wasn't okay. Maybe dancing around the issue was stupid. They were married, and probably needed each other more than anything else right now. "They said I was out there for nearly a week. I-I don't remember much about it. Just pieces. Bad pieces. It gets worse when I sleep," he told her quietly, hoping she would respond with how she was feeling rather than just trying to reassure him she was okay. She wasn't. He knew she wasn't, and he didn't want her to try and draw strength she didn't have trying to make him feel better.
Leila's breath came out in a rush, her shoulder's sagging as the little bit of adrenaline she had been running off suddenly vanished in the face of his admittance. "I haven't slept in days. A couple hours here, and there, but it's not enough. Luke had to grant me leave because I just couldn't function at work. I couldn't stop thinking about you just lying somewhere and not getting help. Or captured... and tortured." That part she'd never spoken out loud. Not even to Mike. "I haven't eaten properly. I can't eat. If I eat I just feel ill. Why should I get to eat when you were missing? Blown up by some horrible fucking bomb that people have created to damage each other?" The tears were back, sliding down her cheeks thick and fast as she finally let go of the weight she'd been carrying. "I wanted to be able to deal with this, but you were missing! How does anyone deal with that? I want to be strong for you, but I'm exhausted. And I'm sorry."
Rob tried not to let the tears overtake again, but he couldn't stop them dripping down his cheeks. It was just a release, and the psychologist that had been by told him a few times that he needed to find a way to debrief and begin to process what had happened, because the grief would come and so many times in soldiers, it could eat them alive to the point of no return. At first, he struggled to stiffly reach to the table beside the hospital bed. He picked up a small sealed pack of some sort of fruit with a plastic spoon sitting on top of it. He put it in her hands and then touched her hair, stroking it softly and and rhythmically with the tips of his fingers to try and soothe her, even if his movement was restricted. "It was the former. I wasn't captured, I just fell in a dangerous zone no one would infiltrate in case there were more devices. We were presumed dead. That's not uncommon. They didn't need anymore soldiers blown up. I was just... out there. I couldn't move, I was too hurt. I could hardly speak. I don't even know if what's in my head are memories or nightmares. Pete was there the whole time beside me, dead. When I realised it was him, I tried to reach him, but I couldn't. Just his hand. I couldn't stop thinking about you," he said through a small gasp as the emotion seized him again. "You got me through."
Leila managed a choked laugh as she looked down at the pack of fruit in her hands, then looked up at his face. Even when he was the one lying in the hospital bed he was taking care of her. She couldn't exactly argue with him. She started to pull back the lid on the container, sniffing as she tried to stop the tears. Her tongue darted out to lick at her lips, catching stray tears. "I'm pretty awesome if I can get you through and not even be there," she said, laughing again. She scooped up some fruit and put it into her mouth. She couldn't even really taste it, but she knew she had to eat. "I kept trying to work out how they were even going to find you, and why it was taking so fucking long. If they knew where you were, and that there'd been an explosion, why didn't they find you? I just... it wasn't making sense. I felt so fucking useless just sitting at home worrying. I don't think Mike was taking it well, either. He'd only just seen you all fixed up."
Rob watched her eating the fruit, hoping it didn't taste too crap. He knew what hospital food could be like. "I gave up," he admitted to her in barely more than a whisper. "I didn't want to. I tried not to, but I did. I couldn't hold on anymore. I thought I was dying. But then... then I woke up here. I didn't even know where I was, but I think the first thing I did was tell a nurse I was checking out and going home," he said with a small, sheepish laugh. "Shows how much they listen to me, huh? I didn't get far enough to plan how I was actually going to pull it off. I ain't exactly in much of a shape to take matters into my own hand. I'm sure there are some bits of me that ain't broken, somewhere. I did check I still had my face." He touched her cheek, his fingers staying there almost like he was remembering what it was that made him fall in love with her all over again. "I'm glad he went to you. I kinda want to smack him right now, but I'm glad. He's a good guy. I owe him my life."
Leila's eyes locked on his face, her expression frozen as she tried to work out how to take the news that he had given up. Could she really blame him? If he had had no sign that he was being rescued, if he was in that much pain... She shuddered to think of what it must have been like. And now he would be forced to relive it as he tried to heal, maybe even for the rest of him life. She kept the fruit cup balanced on her knees as she reached out to touch his chest, careful not to pressure it too much. She didn't want to listen to the machines beeping to tell her his heart was beating. She concentrated on the faint beat she could feel through his bandages and the hospital gown. "I'm glad someone got you back to me. I don't know what I would have done..." she trailed off, her gut clenching at the scenario she'd been too scared to face, and was now glad she didn't have to. "Why are you going to smack him?"
Rob's blue eyes were filled with saddness as he listened to her talk and his forehead creased, trying to understand the pain she must have been feeling. If he kept apologising, she would probably smack him. He remembered how hard it had been at the brig to say goodbye to her and he didn't want to ever be away from her again. But this was his job, right? He had to do it. "I love you," he told her, his voice quiet again but only needing her to hear enough to get the message across. He didn't want to spend the whole time crying all over her, even if felt really difficult to prevent the tears. "Because he didn't let on at all that he was going to see you. I was feeling too sick to even think to ask why he had borrowed a camera off someone. I only just finished telling him about you, explaining. He thought you were knocked up and I was trying to be chivalrous. Mike's a pretty traditional guy."
Leila turned her head to kiss his hand as she gave him a smile, this one a little stronger than any of her earlier attempts. "I love you, too," she replied, also managing to keep the expletive out this time. She still didn't regret marrying him despite the pain she'd just had to endure. She would rather this, than having a life without him. "He did mention something along those lines when we met. He still has it stuck in his head, I think. Sometimes I swear he's going to tell me to start eating because I've got to think about the baby. I got a couple of the pictures blown up. Couldn't help myself. I needed to decorate the place a bit. Plus I just like looking at your face. I was just glad he did find me. It was unbelievable having an actual physical link to you... Someone that knew you. Someone that just got it."
Rob let out a slow breath, making his sure his hand still had contact with her at all times. Despite being mostly unconscious in the preceding days, a heavy exhaustion was weighing on him that he couldn't shake. When he was just sleeping, it was disturbed by nightmares. Maybe now that he knew Leila was okay, it might be a little better. But all he could think about was curling up in their own bed together... and making it their own, because they hadn't had enough of a chance for that before. When he left, they were even still living in separate places. It was all so fucked up. He wanted to go home with her and just try to heal the best he could. "I feel like shit. I think I had surgery." He indicated to the side of his torso that was hurting. He didn't think it was the broken ribs they operated on, even if that was the area he was most in pain. That part of his body must have been the area that took most of the impact. "But I haven't made much of an attempt to ask them about it. They'll probably try to tell you because they think I'm unresponsive. I just ain't feeling much like pouring my heart out to strangers."
He had to smirk faintly. "Everyone seems to think I have turbo-charged sperm or that I suck at practicing birth control. Maybe one day," he said with a small smile. "He asks you that and you have my permission to smack him in the forehead. I'm kinda glad you both had each other, to be honest. You wouldn't be knowing much at all, and Mike... well... he's seen the aftermath of the sort of explosions I got caught in. He maybe knows too much. I ain't even sure how it happened, but I think one of my younger Privates was just... I-I don't know. Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me. And I had to have looked like hell in those photos. I was threatening to stick the camera up his ass," he said in amusement.
"Can't really blame you. I don't think I'd feel like talking to anyone if I'd been blown up." Leila pulled back the covers a little to lean forward and press a kiss to Rob's side through his hospital gown. She smiled, tilted her head to the side as she looked at him. "Want to tell me where else it hurts? I'll kiss it better. And I'll talk to the doctors anyway. I mean, if we're going to try and get you home, I'll need to know if I have to change dressings and all that stuff."
Leila laughed. "Maybe you do, and I should be worried that a condom isn't going to contain them? Definitely one day, but we need to get used to being us first. Mike's been a saving grace, and I owe him a lot. I just wish he wasn't so determined to stay alone. He could make a girl very happy, even if she'd be having to go through the absences as well. As scary as all this is... I'd rather have this and you, than no you at all." Leila pressed her lips together. "Just try and relax for a little while. It might come easier if you don't force it. I know it's going to be hard, but I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here. Even when you want to sleep. Actually, you weren't too bad. I mean, you looked sick, but at least it was still a picture of you."
Rob watched her fondly and then wet his dry lips slowly. "You could be there for awhile, darlin'," he joked. "I think about the only thing that ain't hurting is my hair or the tip of my left pinkie finger, if it's a good hour." He didn't even know how crap he looked, but he figured there were cuts and bruises. He had them all over his arms, plus some burns on the upper side of his body and top of his arm. They were dressed well, though, and apparenly wouldn't scar. "You know I don't even really care if I have to go to another hospital there. I just want to be back in the States. I need to be."
"Well, you ain't in the family way, right? They must have been having an off couple of weeks because they sure got a bigger work out than they had in months..." His face fell serious again and he couldn't stifle a small sigh falling from his cracked lips. "I miss making love to you. I was almost thinking I was beginning to forget what it felt like."
Leila smirked, and started to kiss along his body, even his toes. She hadn't really given much thought to how banged up his was. As far as she was concerned he was still Rob. It was more the idea of him being blown up that caused her pain than seeing him like this. If he was in a hospital she knew he'd be okay. "I got time. I'll talk to the doctors once I'm done kissing all your sore bits better."
"Yeah? Hate to see what you're like when they're at full strength then," she said as she almost giggled. Her smile faltered at his serious expression, and she moved back up his body to brush her hand over his hair. "We'll make up for lost time. You just need to be a little more healed so I don't break your ribs all over again."
Rob let his eyes fall closed as he tried to concentrate on her touches over his body. He couldn't feel all of them. Some parts were swathed in bandages or dressings and others were just too injured to give him any sensation but pain. But the parts that he could, it felt amazing and it felt like forever since she had done this to him. "When I was out there, losing hope I was gonna be saved, I was starting to think you had been a dream. That it was just something my mind invented through everything else being shit. I didn't think I'd ever see you again," he admitted, his voice turning hoarse again with emotion. "I didn't even have my wedding ring to remind me it was real."
Leila stopped, and took his hand as she kissed his ring finger where the wedding band would have sat. "It wasn't a dream, Littlerock. If it was, we were both having it. Sometimes I wondered if I'd imagined you, but given Mike was your friend, I knew I hadn't. I just want you home... I can't help it. And I don't want you to ever have to feel like that again, and I think I really am selfish enough to ask you to never do that to me again."
Rob went to put his hand up to rub his head, but pain shot through his torso and he hissed, lowering his hand again back to where it was. It seemed his mind didn't even want to admit he had been injured. "Mike, he... he was dating someone. Before he got shipped out. He left her, broke up with her, for that very reason. He didn't want to do any of this to someone if, God forbid, it was him in a situation like I was. He ain't a combat fighter but he's right in the thick of it. He didn't want anyone to be waiting for him." He closed his eyes again for a few more moments before looking at her again. "Times like this, I think maybe he had the right idea. You always know it's a chance, but until you're actually the one there getting blown up, or lying there injured knowing your wife is at home waiting for you to return... how is any of this worth it?"
"I don't know," Leila admitted. "But I'm not the one over there. I'm the one waiting at home. I get the safer option. I'm not saying you shouldn't do this, and maybe this is just going to be the worse thing to ever happen, and the rest of our time will be trauma free." She shrugged a little before pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I understand why Mike would do that, and want to keep someone from feeling this, but... I don't think there's anything like the feeling that comes from seeing each other again. It's a natural high."
"Meaning, it would be the total opposite if we never came home," Rob had to reason quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to get my head around all this but it keeps dragging me right back down again, back to everything out there. I guess it's just this place, not being home. I'm glad you're here, darlin'. It'll stop me going insane."
"We'll get you home," Leila promised as she rest her forehead against his again, her thumb stroking softly against his cheek. "Only one of us is allowed to be crazy."
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